Valentine goes along with Sweetheart. SWEET HEART.
What is the sweetness level in your heart? Depleted? Half full perhaps, but leaking out quickly? Or is the sweetness of your heart seeping out slowly? Dead-end dating and past experiences can start making our hearts bitter. Don’t let it happen to you!
Bitter Heart Syndrome
We become skeptical, suspicious, resentful and even angry! We hesitate at the next person that comes along wondering “What will this dud bring this time?”
How can past hurt, disappointment, frustrations, even outright lies not have any affect on us?? After all, we are not super human.
Stay strong! Don’t let that sweetness seep out. Don’t become a bitter victim. It is unappealing and affects everything and everyone around you. No one wants to be around the crabby complainer, the ice queen, the uncontrollable crier, the fowl mouthed B or the friend fixer and know it all. Trust me, we would all rather run from that person but perhaps are too polite to make a dash for the door.
How do we save it or refill it? Just as in anything…how are you spending your time?
Are you allowing reality TV, fictional series, even real life friends, who may be in relationship distress, fill your time? We may welcome this because we feel comforted that it happens to others as well. We start to relish in misery. Misery loves company.
What are you watching ? What are you reading? Are you working on building that wall so that you are prepared for the NEXT disaster date? Are you keeping yourself so busy that you don’t even have to think about things? Are you filling your social media with date- bashing? Are you critical of life itself?!
Instead, focus on the positive! Yes, yes. You hear this all the time!
But let’s flip it to FUN. Who are you surrounded by? Where’s a new place that you spend some time? Who makes you laugh? Who inspires you? What makes you smile? What are some of the best times you remember?
Mathew Kelly, motivational speaker, suggests to make a list of what makes you happy. Now do more of THAT! Quite simple, right? Just start. Take that one step to refill your heart…or you have nothing to give.
“An empty heart can only attract NOTHING at all.” Asta Timm
Ah February- the time of the year that puts hearts in your face no matter where you go! Hearts everywhere- the checkout of your local grocery store, favorite coffee shop, even the vet. The pressure is on! Find love in the next few weeks or stare “failure” in the face, jump on the “I hate Valentine’s Day” bandwagon or act too cool to care. This year, slow your roll to despair and let the happy couples wait in anticipatory giddiness. Cheers to them and to you as well!
No lecture here, no positive thinking mantra or scheduled self-reflection time. This February, the challenge is to lighten up…RELAX! It is simply just not your time yet. So rather than lamenting, spiraling down a deep hole , attending a V-Day bashing party-treat YOURSELF. Buy yourself the decadent chocolate heart, the red velvet cupcake, that special red dress or fantastic red tie. February 14th will pass! Instead of black balling it, welcome it. Your positive attitude towards this simple holiday will open you to receiving the love that IS out there for you! Stay open to happiness and who knows what next February will bring, so practice positively this year. After all, preparation and practice is the key to success!
Happy love month! Treat yourself! And do share in the comments. ABSOLUTELY would love to hear about how great you made your Valentine’s Day.
Still stuck in the Valentine’s Day Dumps? ABSOLUTELY is here! Reach out…we just may have a plan for you!
NEW YEAR. NEW YOU?
New YOU? Don’t think so. YOU are already fabulous because you are YOU!
New YOU? No. Same YOU but with new changes.
It’s a new year, so we feel the call to make resolutions, create goals, set intentions and then… we feel we’ve failed when the result isn’t what we expected! Were you really true to yourself when you set that goal or intention?
Approach 2019 with an attitude that aligns with YOU! Not what is expected or simply the norm. It is TIME FOR CHANGE. Do not dismiss new approaches. After all, it is a new year!
There is a lot of information and different perspectives out there regarding dating, relationships and love. Sometimes we dismiss what’s unfamiliar, but it is time to try the NEW! Stepping out of one’s comfort zone is stepping into one’s greatness!
NEW can make us feel uncomfortable.
NEW can be frightening.
NEW can bring tremendous uncertainty.
On the flipside,
NEW can mean ____new adventures,
___________________________________________________and so much more!
SO, get out of the ROUTINE. Get out of the “I usually”, “I always…” Neuroscience confirms that changing things up is healthy! Sticking to your resolutions, goals, intentions is admirable of course, but up your game to include a new perspective! See things a different way to get different results.
Say HELLO to the NEW! Not a brand new YOU, but a brand NEW openness to embracing a NEW way to look at relationships.
CHALLENGE: when it comes to dating and relationships what NEW approach, NEW attitude, NEW style, NEW anything are you going to try?
Here we GO 2019… Game on! NEW is key! Can you do it?
Need help letting go of the old and embracing the new?
ABSOLUTELY can help!
As the saying goes, one only has one chance to make a first impression. You can be sized up literally, in a matter of five seconds, so make that first impression count. “Dating” clothing doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg, and you can do magic with accessories. Here are some tips:
- What time of the day and what’s the venue? IF you are going on a coffee date, consider easy and casual-wear a cute pair of jeans that is figure flattering, and a top or sweater that shows your assets but doesn’t show all that you have to offer, so to speak.
- Your make-up should be suitable for day; not overdone and be sure not to spray your bottle of perfume into every single pore. (Many people are scent sensitive, so not wearing perfume may be a better bet until you understand the persons likes/dislikes.)
- Wear something that makes you feel great in your own skin. Confidence is key when dating, and if you feel good, and like who you are sitting across from, you may get your flirt on-BIG TIME. Now, we all feel great in our yoga pants, but that doesn’t mean we should wear them on a date. Wear something that gives you girl power and confidence, and get that attitude going. For me, it’s a pair of boots. When I was younger, it was rocking my Doc Martens. Now…. it’s my Paul Green boots.
- If you are seeing someone for the first time for a dinner date, wear something simple, yet sophisticated. Accessories can take a dominant role here and really create your own wonderful style. A little black dress, paired with drop dead gorgeous jewelry is a show stopper. Make sure you keep things to a hush versus a scream when it comes to the jewelry, as you don’t want the jewelry to overpower YOUR presence.
- Wear a heel. Heels make a girl feel powerful. Heels make your legs look better, heels give you more height and heels, even a kitten heel, are sexy. Need I say more?
If you have the opportunity to check out the venue online before heading off, even better. Best to dress appropriately versus over or under dressed. You truly want your focus to be determining if your date is a good fit for you, your wants and your needs!
Lori Mendelsohn, Uncommon Man
Game On- Again!
Whether it’s your first race, first game, first climb, first anything…there’s always that mix of excitement, anxiety, challenge, adrenaline rush that gets us pumped and going for the win! But when it’s your twenty-seventh “first” date, not so much. Right? Or maybe it’s your first date in a really, really long time. Your game is off- you haven’t “trained” or been to “practice”, so what do you do?
One of the key steps to getting back into the game of dating is ATTITUDE!
Why is attitude so very important? It is essential for dating success! Your positive attitude is the foundation for all your other successful dating practices. Attitude is your coach- it directs your beliefs, perspectives, habits. It most likely has been influenced by past experiences. So before game time, it is critical to take a deep breath and:
- Shake Off the Past Experiences
- Shift Fear to Excitement
- Change Negativity to Positivity
- Open Your Mind to New Potential
Start fresh. Set the tone for a fabulous, new adventure! Can you do this? ABSOLUTELY!
“A room full of thirty-five plus women and a gentleman or two, all movin’ and groovin’ in synchrony to mostly Latin tunes is NOT exactly a typical Zen moment for most, but for me it totally is just that! Today, the clarity of just exactly how effortless my fairly new relationship is totally fills my heart as I swoop, swirl and salsa to the likes of Pitbull and Daddy Yankee.
Yes- totally effortless from the start, even though a “specification” or two I had in mind for a perfect match wasn’t in the picture! Huh…I pondered through my squats and body rolls (yes…I said body rolls), who would have thunk? How could I be so absolutely happy and emotionally fulfilled? As Justin Timberlake’s voice brings me back to focus with “It’s gonna be me”, I realize, my happiness was the result of working on me. My own readiness for a fabulous find in the land of romance was the result of me, of what I am when I do what I love and when I value my worth. Zen moment indeed, right there in a huge room with poor acoustics and lots of sweat.
-true story as told by LD, ABSOLUTELY’s client
Anything can become one’s “ Zen”. When you are filled with inner JOY, good things happen! While waiting for Ms. or Mr. Right, find your Zen! Embrace your JOY!
- Is it a certain type of workout?
- A creative outlet?
- A cooking class?
- Concerts or plays?
- Getting back on that volleyball court?
Whatever it is that brings you to a vibrational high- find it and do it!
Feed thy soul! It will then attract more joy and perhaps become a step closer to attracting the love of your life. “Your vibe draws your tribe” to you- and you may just indeed then find “the one”! That totally effortless, surprisingly perfect “one”.
In the meantime, rather than focusing on the outcome of dating, be JOYful and enjoy the process!
Need guidance in getting to know YOUR vibe?
We can help!…Absolutely.